When we lived in the Lake District we had a friend who was most ingenious at finding uses for things which other people would have discarded. On one particular occasion, however, this landed Chris (as I shall call him) with an awkward dilemma. He was driving home up the M6 motorway at dead of night when he noticed at the roadside a small sack which must have fallen off a lorry, and had split open. He went to investigate. It was too dark to make out the contents, but putting his hand inside the sack he felt something cold and slimy. "Putty!" he thought, "I could use half a hundredweight of putty!" So he loaded the sack into the back of his Land-Rover and drove home.
In the morning he went to investigate his new find. Imagine his surprise when he discovered the sack contained not putty, but sausage meat! Now Chris and his wife were both rigid vegetarians. What on earth were they to do with a sack of sausage meat? They couldn't give it to anyone, and it would be difficult to put it out for the dustmen to collect. So he decided to spread the meat on his lawn for the birds. Within an hour or so every seagull in the Lake District must have descended on his garden, and the whole lot had been snaffle. We imagined seagulls staggering down the road towards Lake Ullswater, too heavily laden to take off.
I don't think this misadventure cured Chris of his habit.
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