Security, and how to get past it

Tight security is a very serious matter nowadays, guards are everywhere, and sporting events, which are my chief interest, can be hard to penetrate. Nevertheless, I have had a few successes, mostly dating from the time when I followed gymnastics events.

The key to walking past security guards is an air of self-confidence, as if you had every right to be there. You might give the guards a friendly nod, as if you had already met them. Wearing a lanyard round your neck always helps, especially if it bears your photograph. I have a useful one that simply says, "Volunteer", and could mean anything. If the lanyard has no revelance to the situation in question, turn it back to front so that it displays the blank side. I remember an ingenious lady at a gymnastics tournament in France, who found that the official lanyard hung from a multicoloured piece of string. She bought an identical piece of string and stuck the ends of it down inside her blouse. She was never challenged to display it. At another tournament, a Belgian friend had a sort of tabard which admitted him to the press photographers' area. He lent it to me for the events that didn't interest him.

The choice of clothing is important (also, see later). It is best to dress respectably, conservatively, if in doubt. A blazer with an official-looking badge would serve well. An old colleague of mine possessed an M.C.C. tie with the distictive stripes, which he had bought in a jumble sale. To my mind, he did not not make sufficient use of the opportunities it offered.

Rather than wait to be challenged by a guard, ask him for help. If you happen to know the name of some official who will be there, ask where to find him. It would help if you carry a bundle of  bundle of papers and look harrassed. As an alternative strategy, I once gained admission the the teams' hotel by asking to see a journalist who was staying there, and whom I hoped would remember me; which he did.   

But never argue with security guards. If challenged, apologise: say that you've never been there before and don't know your way around. At my time of life, I can plead old age and incompetence - or, for that matter, incontinence: begging the need to find a toilet sometimes works. I once gained early admission to the old Wembley Pool when several eminent press photographers had been turned away, by pleading the urgent need for a lavatory.

My father, who was a civil engineer, reckoned he could gain admission anywhere that building work or repairs were taking place if he carried a rolled-up blueprint. These days, wearing a high-viz jacket would probably work, especially if also wearing a safety helmet. A schoolfriend who became an accountant suggested that announcing, "I'm from Peat Marwick and I've come to audit the VAT." would admit him anywhere. Indeed, he said, early in his career he and another young accountant had spent an enire morning examining the books of a company in Birmingham before it dawned on them that they'd come to the wrong firm!

So, bluff you way in! You've nothing to lose, and it may work!